You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Me too!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
