last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
