she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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