The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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