He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
my poor anus
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
