I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
