guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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