I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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