I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
