i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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