ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I cut my penus on the lid.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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