I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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