well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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