My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize