did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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