I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
