Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm gonna fight the coyote
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
