....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
