apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
