Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
