Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
