Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
