So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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