After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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