bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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