the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
