Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
