I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize