I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
