good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
