I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
