anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
