Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
