Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
