I am puke
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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