omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
