sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
