My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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