He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
