It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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