So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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