There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
