he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
