Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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