There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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