All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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