sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
