just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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