I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He did a backflip because drugs
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