george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
