She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
