do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
