her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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