So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
