Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
