worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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