super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
