i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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