How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
