To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
