I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
