Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you win again, gameday.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
