I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
as a side note pls kill me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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