my room smells like sperm. sweet.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
