Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
