I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
