I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize