i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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