I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
