I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
