Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
