My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
