When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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