its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
