yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
