i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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