yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Randomize
